first lunch

as i was driving down to the spot where i met butch last saturday, i was envisioning a welcome party for the food i was so graciously and generously about to give. noon on saturday, i told butch and he told me. i got there and found no one. not a single person. so i waited.

its funny to me sometimes how much i have planned. i am one of those people who can visualize exactly what i want, down to the details, and sometimes (most times) i take it a tiny bit too far. i plan for the reaction of someone else. i plan out how they are going to greet me, how they are going to be helpful in setting up the table and food, i plan for their jovial response as we all eat lunch together and we find out about eachothers lives...i plan for all kinds of stuff i have no business planning for. when i am let down that my plans didn't work out, i keep getting reminded of the fact that i can't plan for an outcome, i can only hope.

there was a spectacular airshow in town last saturday. i could hear the planes soaring overhead as i was waiting. i was thinking about more names for the location since my friend told me i couldn't name it 'the courtyard' (i still like that name). i started looking at the graffiti on the walls to get some ideas, but the only word i could see was a very artistic rendition of the word 'crack'. i don't think i can call it 'the crack' either.

at about 12:45, shawn came wandering towards my car. i asked shawn if he knew butch, but he didn't, so i offered him some lunch. i asked if people came down to this bridge very often, and he said people were down here all the time, and i joked with him, 'just not now right?' Shawn informed me that everyone was probably down at the airshow.

i gave away a few lunches, and then i left the rest on a concrete support i had planned to use as the table we would all sit on as we laughed like old friends in the late summer sun. i left a note that said 'free lunch, take one, again in two weeks, noon on saturday'. i was pretty sure that people would be there later so i felt comfortable leaving all those lunches sitting there. i planned that they would get picked up by the folks who live down there. i planned that as they passed, each person would take one and only one lunch, and then go tell a friend. and maybe they would sit around and wonder who the nice person is who gave them each one lunch.

so what conclusion can i draw from this? i have a few things i can choose from:

• i failed
• butch failed
• i tried my best
• what i did was good in a charma kind of way, and goodness was increased in the world, and the credit goes to some higher power who will feed its children as they pass through on the way to anywhere, and they will be transformed by the time they get to the other side
• everyone likes to see an airshow

of all of my choices, i liked the last one the best. and i think it is the truest. when it comes down to it, most people in america will get food from somewhere, but airshows are precious. so savor them when they come to town because they may not be back soon.

i think friendship is a gift. i can't plan who my friends are going to be. i can't plan what will bring us together. i can't plan the time or the instant or the loss or victory that will bring us to be close friends. all i can do is show up, be present, give it my best, and be thankful when something great happens.