Rest

There are all kinds of personality test books that give language to describe the kind of people we are. Last spring a friend of mine forced (not an exaggeration) all of her friends to take a test so she would know the inner workings of all of us. She took the book everywhere, and if there was a person who had not taken the test, she stopped everything and forced (not an exaggeration) the person to answer all 70 questions and then do the analysis to find out what kind of person they were. I am an INFJ.

The most beneficial book I have ever read that describes personalities is called Now Discover Your Strengths. The author made the point that if a person focuses on their strengths, and lives out of them, that person will be a much more effective _______________ (fill in the blank).

One of my strengths is responsibility. As with any strength, it has good stuff and bad stuff. The good stuff is that I make sure things get done. The bad stuff is I take responsibility for things I have no business being responsible for, and sometimes so much responsibility (without cutting myself any slack) that I run myself ragged.

In order to keep my life straight, I have to write down a task list of all the things that keep my life moving in the direction I want it to. When I construct my list, I have 3 sections: past events, present events, and future events. Every time I look at my task list, I have to tell myself (and I always use the stereotypical psychologist tone) that I can't change the past and I can't control the future, so I am left to focus on my present tasks. When I don't get a task done at the scheduled time, I have learned that it is normal to feel some pressure, but it is no reason to have a nervous breakdown. I am practicing my breathing techniques right now.

I have been serving lunch every other Saturday for the past few weeks. This past Saturday, according to the schedule, was the next lunch. But I was sick. And tired. And I didn't sleep the night before. And I am sure I could come up with three hundred and twenty seven other excuses, but the truth of it all is that I just wanted to rest. So I did. And the world kept turning. The sky is still firmly in place.

A friend pursuing a similar goal with his work told me that his work is a product, or expression of who he is. When he delivers his product, it is a result of what is going on in his life. When life bears down on him, he has to outsource his manufacturing process. I am not being very clear here, but what it brought me to realize is that I can only do what I can do, and I asked myself if it was more beneficial to maintain a thing that in the end might wear me down to a ragged mess, or to maintain myself and take a breather when I am out of breath. I assume that the disclaimers about laziness, and self-serving are understood here.

A few months ago, I read the best book I have ever read on business and life. It is worth reading whatever your occupation, check it out here. The book kept hammering the idea that healthy people have a healthy influence on the people around them, and they benefit the people they care about, the more healthy they are.

So at the risk of going against my compulsion to run myself ragged in order to keep my "system" in place and causing a nervous breakdown, I gave myself the day off and I will be eating lunch with my friends again this Saturday.