second lunch

this saturday started off great, i saved over 25% with my bargain shopping at the grocery store. i have come in under budget both saturdays.

i got to the place i normally go to meet folks, and it was fenced off and the sign i had posted on thursday night was torn down. my hope in this little experiment was dashed. apparantly, the buildings that border the vacant lot are being redeveloped, and they are kicking all the homeless people out of the area.

so i drove around and handed out lunches at a few of the places i knew people gathered. i ran in to shawn again and he was happy i remembered his name. i also met his friend brenda, and they were both drunk. it was 1:00 in the afternoon. they appreciated the lunch and i am glad i ran in to shawn again.

i drove around for a while seeing 1 or 2 people that i thought needed a lunch, when i offered them a lunch, some were confused, some were happy, and some weren't homeless! oops. i hope they weren't offended, i just laughed.

i had about 15 lunches left over as i approached a scary part of town. it was the middle of the day and i feared for my life rolling in to this place. i saw a lady stumbling her way on the sidewalk, and got out to give her a lunch, and there were about 50 people that started coming for my car. i knew i didn't have enough lunches, so i was wondering what was going to happen when i ran out. were they going to get nasty? they didn't, they just walked away wishing they got something.

i saw something today i haven't seen very much of before. people in need. people with kids, people with mental problems, people who were hungry, and people who were hopeless. these are the east side people. on the west side, i feed drunk homeless people that are happy, and easy to be around, and funny, and dramatic, and the kind of people i normally hang out with, they just have a different address and a different wardrobe.

the east side people were different. i felt different around them. i felt scared, and hopeless. they swarmed like insects in the desert on a fresh kill until all the meat was gone, and when it was gone, some went away hungry. it was really a hopeless place.

i don't know if bringing lunches gives them any hope, or makes any kind of difference, but something was different over there. i don't know what it was, but i felt different. i felt out of place, threatened, and somehow that was a good thing.

i am still going to stop by and give shawn and brenda a lunch when i see them, but my new location is on the east side.

first lunch

as i was driving down to the spot where i met butch last saturday, i was envisioning a welcome party for the food i was so graciously and generously about to give. noon on saturday, i told butch and he told me. i got there and found no one. not a single person. so i waited.

its funny to me sometimes how much i have planned. i am one of those people who can visualize exactly what i want, down to the details, and sometimes (most times) i take it a tiny bit too far. i plan for the reaction of someone else. i plan out how they are going to greet me, how they are going to be helpful in setting up the table and food, i plan for their jovial response as we all eat lunch together and we find out about eachothers lives...i plan for all kinds of stuff i have no business planning for. when i am let down that my plans didn't work out, i keep getting reminded of the fact that i can't plan for an outcome, i can only hope.

there was a spectacular airshow in town last saturday. i could hear the planes soaring overhead as i was waiting. i was thinking about more names for the location since my friend told me i couldn't name it 'the courtyard' (i still like that name). i started looking at the graffiti on the walls to get some ideas, but the only word i could see was a very artistic rendition of the word 'crack'. i don't think i can call it 'the crack' either.

at about 12:45, shawn came wandering towards my car. i asked shawn if he knew butch, but he didn't, so i offered him some lunch. i asked if people came down to this bridge very often, and he said people were down here all the time, and i joked with him, 'just not now right?' Shawn informed me that everyone was probably down at the airshow.

i gave away a few lunches, and then i left the rest on a concrete support i had planned to use as the table we would all sit on as we laughed like old friends in the late summer sun. i left a note that said 'free lunch, take one, again in two weeks, noon on saturday'. i was pretty sure that people would be there later so i felt comfortable leaving all those lunches sitting there. i planned that they would get picked up by the folks who live down there. i planned that as they passed, each person would take one and only one lunch, and then go tell a friend. and maybe they would sit around and wonder who the nice person is who gave them each one lunch.

so what conclusion can i draw from this? i have a few things i can choose from:

• i failed
• butch failed
• i tried my best
• what i did was good in a charma kind of way, and goodness was increased in the world, and the credit goes to some higher power who will feed its children as they pass through on the way to anywhere, and they will be transformed by the time they get to the other side
• everyone likes to see an airshow

of all of my choices, i liked the last one the best. and i think it is the truest. when it comes down to it, most people in america will get food from somewhere, but airshows are precious. so savor them when they come to town because they may not be back soon.

i think friendship is a gift. i can't plan who my friends are going to be. i can't plan what will bring us together. i can't plan the time or the instant or the loss or victory that will bring us to be close friends. all i can do is show up, be present, give it my best, and be thankful when something great happens.

giving

my last two posts got me thinking about the question, what do i give to a person in a relationship? what does a person receive when they spend time with me? what do i have to give? what is something that i possess that i can give to another person?

i don't assume to have the answer to these questions. but i have some thoughts. i think community, a circle of support, is formed when people want the best for the other people. when one person wants the best for another person and the desire is reciprocated, a bond is formed.

so what does this look like? what language describes this thought? in order to want the best for another person, it is required that their needs are more important than mine. does that mean that i sacrifice myself so that another person is better off? a sacrificial lifestyle doesn't sound appealing to me. could that be what it is all about though?

if we need friends, and the way to form a bond is to regard another person as more important that ones self, and live that way, what is said about the person who is offering the sacrifice? whats in it for them? maybe nothing, maybe something, maybe they do it because someone else made a sacrifice for them once, and they want to pass the gift on...

so what does this look like? i am going to try to know these new acquaintences of mine. i am going to try to get to know their needs, know where their life isn't working right and if i have something to give, i am going to do my best to give it. i am afraid that i will have nothing to give, but i have got to give it a shot.

the other side of the coin is to allow my new little community to know me. will they have something to give me? i don't know. what do they have to give? after all, they don't have homes, they live under a bridge, what can they possibly give me?

this saturday is the first big step in this community experiment. i am going to serve lunch to a few folks and see if a bond forms. of course i have no control over what they decide to do, but my hope is that something happens.

finding the location, and my first acquaintance

i needed to find a location for my little experiment in friendship. so i drove around last saturday looking under bridges, in the projects, keeping my eye open for drug houses and vacant lots downtown. i came across an alley that lead to an empty lot under a bridge just south of downtown. i was nervous as i drove in because there was only one way to get in and one way to get out. i am a white boy in the hood and i am going in to uncharted territory.

i saw a group of homeless people under the bridge and i thought to myself "you are crazy, these people are going to rob you and take your car." then butch waved at me as if he expected me to be there and i drove over to him after i locked my car doors.

i rolled down my window and introduced myself. butch has hair that is out of control. frizzy grey hair on top and an unkept beard. he is the nicest homeless person i have ever talked to. i told him about my idea and he was immediately on board.

let me tell you a little about myself. i am not an outgoing person. i get anxious in big crowds. one of the hardest things in the world for me is to walk up to a group of people i don't know and introduce myself. butch told me that he would get as many people as i could handle to our little courtyard lunch under the bridge.

by the way, i wanted to call this location the courtyard, but a friend told me it was a bad idea. "no one likes to be in court, and a courtyard is in a country club, not under a bridge." i am rethinking the name.

i told butch i would be there this saturday with lunch. i hope he shows up with a few folks.

the purpose

the purpose of free lunch is simple. when everyone starts talking about their needs, we all become equal. we all need friends and we all need to eat. why not eat lunch with friends? only two things are needed, lunch and friends.

so where am i going to get my friend? i am going to go find one, or a few. i asked myself, who else needs a friend? who would accept me as i am? who would accept me if i gave them lunch? will someone be my friend for no other reason than a free lunch? can i live with that? who knows what will happen. i am going to give it a shot.